Thomas Mann said, "Waiting we say, is long. We might just as well - or more accurately - say it is short, since it consumes whole spaces of time without our living them or making any use of them much."
So thats what I've been doing. On 7 Feb I entered the oncologist's office to start the laborious procedure of planning a CT scan. The scan was duly undertaken on 15 Feb and on 18 Feb I received glad tidings, I'm still NED!! hallelujah. But why the delay? I know, and have repeatedly been told, "the doctor's busy" and in a fit of pique my retort to this was, "Yes dear, I know the doctor's time is holy but mine is short." I am sure of only one thing, the anger and paradox of that statement escaped the receptionist.
So this much I know, next time I will also wait and I also know waiting, when you wait for news about cancer does not get easier. The waiting spaces of time that I spend "not living" in Mann's words, are piling up and I'm losing great chunks of worthwhile life that I cannot retrieve, ever.
1 comment:
The waiting is very difficult; I know. And like you, I don't understand why test results can't be shared sooner. You are so right, time is short. It's more obvious to those of us who have experienced a brush with our mortality, but it's true for everyone. I think and hope that with time your waiting will become more bearable; it has for me, and that makes a big difference.
I am celebrating your continued NED status!!!!!!!!
Post a Comment