Little bit of this, little bit of that.

For the first time in two years I will be seeing the oncologist eye to eye on Friday 28 Feb. usually I go for my scan and her kindly secretary phones me to tell me I'm OK. it is exceedingly good to hear from an outside source that you are OK otherwise how would you know? so with my stamp of OK I live through the following 5 months and three weeks and in the week before my scan, I plan my funeral. Now I'm to see the doctor. I'm hoping she'll also tell me I'm OK, so OK in fact that I only need another scan in a years time. my funeral plans will fall behind, but I'm prepared to make the sacrifice.
I hate the time before a scan. not even my scars remind me so deeply that I have had or do have cancer as much as the time before a scan
this past Saturday i attended a buddy meeting. the aim of this group is to get cancer survivors to be of support to newly diagnosed people. We attent training sessions and this past Saturday we learnt about stepping alongside someone with end stage disease. The lecture was excellent with clear guidelines served with large dollops of common sense and I knew if push comes to shove i would rather be in Philadelphia than try to help someone on their final journey and yet, i did it for my mother. i suppose it's best not to pre-judge yourself, if you have to, you will rise to the occasion...I hope.
As for Valentine's day, my husband brought home the most beautiful bunch of elegant longstemmed roses and even now, as they unfurl, the house is filled with their scent. I'm lucky, I often get flowers but these roses are quite spectacular. my minimalist arrangement (sticking them randomly into a long vase) also works well. If only I could say the same of my studies but that's another long story.

"February is the cruellest month"

Sorry TS Elliot, but to me April is just fine, it's February that's a bit bothersome. People start to lose the "Happy new year" joys and the grind of the year sets in. In addition February is my one month of sobriety. After indulging in December a little sobriety seems appropriate and I've chosen February for the simple reason its the shortest month of the year! It's such a habit I almost don't notice it and last year, after February I sort of found I'd lost my appetite for gin and tonic, besides it gives me a headache (What a drag it is getting old!) So it's force of habit but "they" do say if you feel the need for a time of sobriety, obviously you've got a problem!! Ah me... tis a problem to be sure! Drink and be damned, desist and you admit to a problem you've never really thought you had, so either way... here's to a restful February.