"death be not proud"

Angelo has passed away. I had followed his blog and what can I say, he fought with every ounce of his being against his kidney cancer, he fought burocracy he fought his own personal demons and now he is dead. This is not a distant event in a strange country, it is as if someone who is on the same leaky lifeboat as I am has been pulled off the boat. So what now? With his death I came to a realisation cancer can kill me as well. So if I'm living with a sure knowledge that I will die sooner rather than later, why does my life not reflect this? Why do I not live as someone with limited time? And please don't give me all that crap about "but we all have to die someday!!!! It carries no weight in my here and now. I'm in a place where I have to rethink who I am, what I want my life to mean and I want to live so that when I die I'm worn out and empty. Is that however possible?