"Death be not proud"

Am I the only cancer survivor who's preoccupied with death? Is it a form of denial, that if I look at death closely it won't come for me? I'm not sure. What I do know is that since 2007 I've read about death and I've thought about it almost every day.
Generally it's fleeting. "Today I might die" or "What if I wake up dead?"
I've also read about it quite intensively, Patricia Weenolsen, "The art of dying",James Langford Wilson, "You are dying! So What.", Sue Wood & Peter Fox, "Dying. A practical guide for the Journey" and Julian Barnes. "Nothing to be frightened of." Each has information about death, some better formulated than others and some suggestions I found ridiculous - but that's only me. Then there is the essay "Crossing the Creek" and that was possibly the most accurate discription of the physicality of death. It was written by a long time hospice worker and deals with realities such as loss of appetite, sleeping, confusion, fear and seeing people. Food is such a symbol of caring that we want to feed someone even if it is no longer necessary and this essay made me aware that a shutting down, a needing less, is part of the process. He also emphasises that people die in their own specific way and that it should be allowed. I found The Art of Dying well written and informative and it was very specifically aimed at people facing their own death. In his forward Bernie Siegel however says "that until you take your last breath, you are still living."
But still I have no answer, Why am I so focused on death? To all intents and purposes I'm clean and cured and will live to a ripe old age. And yet...